6/17/08 – 11:30pm Tel Aviv, Israel

I miss Kate so much! I spent much of the latter part of the day organizing all of my pictures, especially of Kate. I made my background pic Kate outlined in a color I captured from her left eye. I also made a dope slideshow screensaver of the best of my pics.

I can’t wait until other people get here or I meet someone more my age or willing to humor me given my lack of Hebrew. I really can’t wait until Kate gets here. I had the weirdest thoughts today. I thought about if Kate all of a sudden disappeared… not if she died but if she just didn’t exist at this moment… and I was terrified. She understands me like no one else and is my other half! If I didn’t have her I think I would feel like I do now… waiting for people like me in a foreign land… but they would never truly come. When she gets here, if she’s not shomer negia haha, I’m gonna hug her so much and give her lots of kisses!

I was writing about how Tel Aviv is so anti-observance in my public blog but I really want to get out what I think about that. It’s so stupid, what people are like here. And I feel like I may have been part of that crowd pre-Meor. It’s just pure arrogance and ignorance. People see observant Jews limiting their life, assume there are no considerable reasons to behind these choices and view learning about them negatively. It’s our people’s religion! How are we supposed to claim we fight for a Jewish state when we are anti-observance? Without these traditions we would be completely assimilated as most people are in Tel Aviv… not keeping kosher, going to the beach, fashion, tv… what’s different from America? Why live in Israel…The climate? This is a holy land… not just some dope spot to chill in. SO FRUSTRATING! They get married under a chupah and probably have no idea why. EVEN IF I don’t know everything at least I’m going to spend some time learning what’s behind it all instead of just assuming it’s wrong.

In reality I think they’re afraid. I think they are worried that they will find out it’s right and feel pressure to be observant. Then they might have to give up going to the beach, smoking, dancing and drinking half naked etc. Yoni Ganger said something quite true the other day… that people aren’t usually angry about something they are confident about. And in truth, every person says I’m going to lose who I am… it’s like they are defending myself for me when I don’t need it. I’ve already become observant to a greater extent and they don’t even notice. How much different of a person would I be if we didn’t touch? Or my clothes were different? Or I didn’t eat with them at the restaurant?

I’m not saying I want to be ultra-orthodox but this anti-observance mentality is just stupid.

I want to learn Hebrew really badly. It’s extremely frustrating right now because I don’t feel like I’m really doing anything to learn in the right way. I can feel slowly being accustomed to the style of Hebrew but my vocabulary and ability to conjugate words is dismal.

If you can’t tell, today wasn’t the most fun of days. It was too normal but void of any real activity. I think about becoming a beach bum as my mom suggested but I don’t know if I can just sit in the sand like that… it’s just boring without anyone to talk to or be near. And I also worry about bringing anything to town and not being with it 100% of the time.

I should probably go to bed. Maybe I’ll go visit peeps tomorrow and read… and figure something out.

Ttyl homez

Omz

It is the 2nd day of Shavuot and I'm hanging out with Sam in a coffee shop on Jaffa St in Jerusalem. This trip has been quite amazing. I don't know if I really understand what I signed up for with Yeshiva but I am still excited to be going.
I have had a feeling ever since one of the first few days, that I am in a very different place than many of the other guys. There have been a few nights when we went out to drink or do hookah and I just didn't feel like doing either. In the winter time I wanted to go to a club and dance when I was here but the most fun I've had dancing this time was at a concert where men and women were separate and we were listening to Chaim Dovid... Jewish music. I'm also in a place in which I know who I want in my future and have spent time thinking deeply about my goals.
Now I shared this with a few people, which I find I eventually do with any thoughts I have that reoccur in my mind, and I realized recently that I've been judging people a lot based on what I perceive. I don't know what other people think I am like inside when they interact with me. I think this is one of the main things I want to work on. I really need to be able to just be with a person until I really see who they are and even then give them room for change because we all put eachother "in boxes" haha as Rabbi Glaser says. But it really is true... around different people I just automatically fall into this persona that is what I view myself as to them.
Time to go write in my other blog... this two blog system is gonna be interesting haha.